Express Yourself

Last week, I was at one of the most reputed logistic organization to train the employees on the topic - How to be Assertive? Initiated with a brainstorming session and believe me, I could sense that why the organization had thought of a training program on Assertiveness.  Participants grouped in team according to their department, hardly looked at other team members. There were no greetings or passing of smile. The view in the training room was not pleasant.

Well, people with wonderful qualification and such high intelligence, still found it difficult to interact with others? This was startling. Amused with the prevailing action I requested all the 20 participants to make a line according to their height and then divided them in a group of four. Taking the training ahead, when I requested the participants to interact with each member in his/her team for couple of minutes and then to introduce me his team member who was sitting next to him.

While introducing, I learnt that there were people who were working in the same organization for over a year or two, but they hardly had an opportunity to interact with each other. Some had graduated from the similar college and were excited to know about the team member. Well, the room which looked so dull and lifeless was replaced by murmurs and buzz.

I continued thereafter and things went on very well. As a reader, you may think, why am I telling you this story?

The reason is, as corporate personnel, people are trained on numerous topics. The knowledge bank of the participants keep enhancing but the riddle which remains unsolved is who is counter checking the performance of the participants, whether the implied knowledge is really applied in the day-to-day life. What are the positive changes and if there isn’t any change, then how to bring the necessary change into application?

It took me a week, to vouch peoples’ performance after my training. Though this was not into my assignment purview, still I was keen to know – what happens after the training? With due permission of the organization, I got to study five personalities from each group. Trust me the after effect of the training was clearly visible:

Greetings:

People were friendlier. They passed on loud greetings with high-five. During breaks, they sipped the coffee together, sharing their problems and explaining it to other, how they had resolved the problem.

Assertive Answers:

Instead of passive or aggressive conversation, the mode changed to positive communication. They were at compliance, respecting thought or idea shared by others. They responded over anything after put their logic into the process.

Fair Communication:

Instead of monosyllabic answers – Yes/No/Okay, there was a flow of interaction which helped the group or team to function in a better manner.

Art of Saying No:

I must appreciate the way people took the lesson of saying NO. Rather than back bitching or showing frustration, they could say No to those tasks which was not their key action areas.

Listen:

The perceived the art of listening in pretty decent manner. In certain meetings, or where they had to listen to the conversation of their boss, they showed their interest and started noting the points. Before raising any question, they heard the things clearly and evaluated whether they are on right page with their boss or the members in the meeting.

Question: Was this because of my training? Should I take the credit?

Certainly the answer would be NO. People do know what to do, how to do and why to do but they fail to connect the dots properly due to one reason…They find it difficult to express their feeling/s.

When you are at your workplace, you are so much engrossed in your strategies, plan of action thinking so hard about your forward action plan, that often you consider talking to your colleagues or spending some time with your team members as an offense. The moment you realize that by having these short breaks actually rejuvenates your thought process you may like to take such short breaks in a very calculative manner.

You need to allow yourself to express your view point rather being judgmental of what others will think over it. Your expression will create a clear vision even in your own thought process. To get positive reply from others, you will apply assertive nature while expressing your feelings. Even when your ideas are condemned or criticized, you get to know its weaknesses, which will ultimately help you to think in more logical and reasonable way.

You can express your feeling without any hitch when you create that ambience for your personality among your team. Be more thoughtful and proactive.

Be Deprived...Be Blessed

The journey of life is on roller coaster. The twists and turns in everyday life, keep you busy and leave you struggling hard. Therefore the intellects often quoted, "To lead life is an art." Well when you are blessed with all the materialistic things, well equipped with knowledge and other bounties which you can help you in spending your life pleasantly, you rarely come across of any hitches. It is very easy to lead life.

Above written paragraph is a fact, but in fact you may hardly find anyone who is let-out of miseries. In order to learn things you will have to encounter the difficulties. Some are certain and some remain uncertain. To toil hard and to overcome these hindrances can be a challenging task.

I am into career counselling. In the month of March 2015, I met with a student who was pursuing PGDM course. The moment she stepped in my office, I could read her eyes. They seemed to be tired as if since ages she did not relax. The dark circles under eyes were scary. My heart sank at her looks. I asked her to walk in and to sit on the sofa.

She was perplexed. With a lump in her throat, she requested me to help her in overcoming her weakness. Without knowing her past records, my words of comfort did not have any positive impact over her action. I decided that I will have to help her through some righteous means.

On inquiring, the problem with which she was passing through was a common one. She was always protected by her parents, as she was much pampered child. Her parents never allowed her to come out of the cocoon. They never let her make any decisions as they considered it as their parental duty to take care of the child. While inquiring about her whereabouts I came to know that this student is from a renowned family of Delhi. She is blessed with wonderful parents who have fulfilled all her desires.   

The problem was not in the child but it was in the parents who were sowing the seeds of problem unknowingly in their daughter’s life. As she grew, she was completely dependent. Though with best qualification, she lacked the biggest asset i.e. of Confidence. Lack of confidence created in her hesitation. To face people and to interact with them was a challenge for her. She failed in expressing her opinion in pragmatic manner. After my three hours of interaction with her, I decided to seek an appointment with her parents to discuss her case with them. On meeting her parents next day, I heard their perspective first. Later, I told about the problem which their daughter was facing because of their sheer protective nature.

The reality of life, joy of learning, facing failure to beat it and achieve success, these important lessons which makes life though challenging but interesting is never tasted by their daughter. On the flip side, she is fear stricken, fail to exhibit her skills.

On seeing the conditioning of this child, my mind asked one single question…Being blessed with materialistic objects, is a bane or boon? Who should be considered as Lucky??? The deprived ones who struggle to meet their basic requirement of square meal a day. Through the setbacks in life, harden their skills to overcome the limitations or like the child about whom it is mentioned in this write-up.

Turning Point in Life

After graduating from Commerce, my mind was in ambiguity, whether to pick a job in an office as an accountant or be a teacher in school on adhoc basis, as I was not a trained teacher. Well, teaching was my passion, hence picked up teach as a career. At the age of 20, when I started to teach, I realized, how difficult indeed the job of a teacher is...

To handle 25 - 30 students in a class is in itself a tough challenge. To maintain the decorum, to impart the information aptly so that the students can learn and understand why the concept was taught to them, was the toughest task I encountered at my initial days of career. I believed they were keen to learn things when taught with stimulation.

After six years of teaching to different grades, an event has changed my life. It was in one of the Teacher's Meeting, I was asked by the Principal of the School to conduct a workshop for my Colleagues, telling them about the way I conduct my class. By observing them, I decided not to speak but to pick the problems faced by the teachers and then shared few techniques and tips through which they can overcome the hurdles in teaching...

I was among those people, who can talk with anyone about any thing that other's wanted to discuss. The appetite to listen was too big in me. I heard everyone. So they liked hearing me out. The workshop was full of interaction. We discussed about Parents, Management, problems with Administration and primarily, our stakeholders...The STUDENTS

Principal who was watching and was one of the participants called me in her cabin. Thanks Ms.Seema Saira Ahmed. Her words had an electric effect on my thoughts.She advised me to think about Training. The passion of Public Speaking, sharing experiences after experimenting in life were like an added feather in my cap.I viewed the video of the workshop, had done self-introspection and decided to polish the art of delivering content and subject matter in a more refined way.

Had quit the job of a teacher. Started as a freelance trainer. Moved to schools, colleges and then to the corporate, listening to maximum...tried to reach out every one who wanted to speak and share. By listening I felt, I was relieving them from some kind of baggage...which had always troubled the holder of it.

After a decade, even after imparting so many training sessions I still feel, how less I could do. There is seamless effort from my end but the need of the people is so high. to reach out to everyone remains a challenge.

I wish, I could listen and listen...to absorb the pain, suffocation of my audience and bring the joy in their life through my words that comes out of my vocal cord to provide ease and understanding for better life and relationship. My journey is on...

Step in other's shoes

Often we feel that the work we are doing is really the difficult one. Always the grass looks greener on the other side. Service or job rendered by others, is generally either neglected or we take it for granted because we consider it  as less worthy.

This has happened with one of my friends. She is working as an adviser with an institute. One day, it had happened that the colleague of hers who used to write the Content and send the articles for press release, was on leave. This friend of mine, always appreciated her creative thinking and believed in her efficiency of penning down the things. She used to write blogs and thought writing an article for any press release or developing content, is very easy.

Well, the management of this institute, in the absence of the content writer, had rendered this simple task to my friend to attend a conference and write a report sharing her understanding  and learning that she acquired after attending the conference.

The twinkle in her eyes, can express the delight that she was experiencing when assigned with the task. She went to the conference and had submitted the report without much delay. Within few minutes, she received a mail from her boss, asking her to come and see her in the cabin. She went and thought that her boss will appreciate her for the marvelous efforts put by her. 

The moment she popped in, her boss looked at her and said, "Have you read the previous articles written by your colleague?" Friend of mine admitted the truth and said, "Yes, I did." 

Her boss said, "Though the report you submitted is good in shape but it has nothing new. The words, phrases and even the drafting style, everything that you have presented, is actually copied from the various articles drafted by your colleague. Well, I thought that you will me something new,may be a new model or some new words, instead you copied the ideas and words of your colleague and then had drafted the matter and had presented it to me. This proves that you lack creativity."

Friend of mine was shattered. With perturbed mind, she left the cabin of her boss. She read the report submitted by her. Well, she started to analyze that when she began to write, she found that writing anything is not a cake walk.

You can copy the style and sometimes even the whole article, but this deed will not enhance your competency nor will be considered as your creativity. 

She realized the fact that stepping into the shoes may seem to be easy, but walking even couple of steps with the same shoes, may be next to impossible, unless you don't find them of your own size.

Well, what I realized is, in order to make others understand the difficulty of any position, though it may not be viable still, let people take up the responsibility of others for at least an hour. This will make them more sensible, and they will value the job offered by others.

Lesson from Tree

Swinging its branch, ignoring the mayhem

The tree in my courtyard turned as a gem

Gently but with delight

It was ready to fight

Standing in the scorching sun

Still swaying its branches in fun

Its shade created shadow

Looked divine in the stretched meadow

Where passer-by halted and took rest

Though for a while, but the time spent was THE BEST

To live life is an art

This lesson hit my mind like a dart

Standing still in the soil

Like the tree which is ready to toil

To imply, wanted to sow the seed of this art

Deep in my Heart

That will make me stand by

Miseries or merriment all that I will try

Gyan

To motivate, it is not necessary to speak, sometimes you need to be calm and let your audience speak.

On Saturday, when my friends and family were at rest, after their week long hectic schedule, I was pretty excited and left from my home at 7 am. It would take couple of hours to reach the destined place which was a college in Greater Noida. I was invited to speak with the students who were pursuing Management studies. The lecture was supposedly on Motivation.

Well, I don't know, how well I have motivated my audience who were first silent. Then have broken the shell, the difference between known and stranger. They started to speak and went on... sharing their problems and the reasons for their rejections, dejected life, poor performance in academics, their reasons for low morale and what not.

I was confused and I want to confess that they wanted a person who can listen to them patiently.They knew their problem, have completely analyzed it, yet failed to do anything because there was no one who could listen to them and tell them that their analysis and self-introspection is correct. Was I here to motivate and raise their morale? I thought and had questioned myself.

Certainly, the Management thought of this and had called me to talk and share some GYAN to motivate. Instead, I pricked the bubble and let the air pass out of it. I felt, my audience wanted to speak, they wanted to share and shun away their pile of burden...burden of sadness and dejection that was overloaded in their memory baggage; may be because of certain limitation in their academics, or skill set that they failed to polish and adhere.

Gyan - This monosyllable word rippled thoughts and had shaken my mind. Gyan that I feel I have, when shared with others, will it be taken in full by others?

When we teach somebody and think that because of the teaching imparted, pupil learn, this can be half-truth. Actually the knowledge shared, if it is felt of any worth or value, only then it is observed by our mind and is restored for certain time. It is the listener who decides, what he wants to take in. The moment his mind suggests that the context and the content are of no use, even the best delivered GYAN goes in vain or it could be vice-versa.

Here the Gyan was imparted by my audience and  I took it gracefully. They have motivated me to be quiet. To allow them to speak and listen to them. They were not seeking any advise, not they wanted any solution. They knew their problem and were ready to fight with it so that they can overcome the same, but were waiting for a nod, of a soft hand that can gently push them and say, "well do as you have decided".

I heard them patiently and I think this has motivated them a lot...